Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Having Second Thoughts...

Interesting that this is the title of my blog. I'm having second thoughts about a lot of things lately, like
- what does it mean to be a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a lover, a teacher - and can I fill all those roles without losing myself in the process?
- what am I not doing right that I can't seem to keep balanced?
- is it possible to make somebody happy all the time? If so, how? If not, how do I handle it without going under?
- am I really in a better position to handle my commitments this year or will I burn out...again?
-why isn't doing my best often not good enough?
- am I really able to finish this degree - to start the dissertation over and keep plugging? How many people, including myself, will I disappoint if I can't?

I will be biking again today after school - as long as the rain holds out. That should give me time to think and center a bit. What will happen when the biking season ends...

This may be one of those posts that should I write and then delete...but to know me is to know my triumphs as well as my fears. This isn't one of my more triumphant days. There is always tomorrow.

hugs - thanks for listening.


Kimala said...

sometimes we are our own worst critics - and I know I am that for me... your cycling sounds like the perfect way to just let some balance creep into your thinking. you seem so talented in so many ways - I am sure it will all make sense after a long ride ;)

bigd Flanagan said...

Perfection is an illusion. Doing your best is a goal. Being ok with yourself while concurrently having high standards is imperative. You got that going, you got it going....

Anonymous said...

Hi Yamis! Hang in there dear...you are special, don't forget that!!!

Phil said...

Hi Yamis! Hang in there dear one....never, ever give up!!!

Anonymous said...

You know that you can't be everything to everyone. You know that you can do what you can do.. and that is it. And if it pisses other people off.. so what? We are all just humans going about our daily lives..
What makes the difference is how you feel about the things you are doing. If you think and feel you are doing your best, then that is where you have to find yourself.
Remember that you are a beautiful inside and out.
About the cycling thing.. well, either warmer clothes or get a trainer!!
Hugs my friend!